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A tribute to a great educator, Dr Mimi Iznita

When I was in my undergraduate studies, I took Abnormal Psychology subject during my 5th semester on 2013. This subject among the few that really into my heart. This class made me realized that I have interest into abnormal personality of people. And the one who responsible for it is the lecturer who teaching the subject at that time, Dr Mimi Iznita. I did enjoy listen to her experiences dealing with many kinds of clients since she is a clinical psychologist. My very first impression of her is, “wow, her English accent is really great!”. That must be because she worked at US for a while before she come to UIA. One thing I remember about the class is the project the she assigned us to do, “go crazy project”. This project indeed gave us new perspective about mental health problem. Again, thanks to her.
And for my last semester in 2014 I took another subject under her supervision, clinical psychology. This subject is really tough but she made it enjoyable. And I remember during that se…

Should I or should I not?

Marriage. As I grow older I’m thinking a lot about this. 2 days ago, I turned to 27 years old. Bless to have what I have right now, alhamdulilah.
As I grow older, people keep asking me about marriage, which I don’t have the answer myself. I just ignore what people say, most of the time and don’t even bother about that, but sometimes it bothers me. The questions keep coming into my mind.
“do I have to get married?” “why should I get married?” “why I need to get married?” “what happened if I don’t get married?” “what happened if I get married?”
Those questions bother me sometimes. I try to reason many times about this. It’s normal for people to get married especially to their loved ones. They hope that when they get married they will be happy for the rest of their life and they can grow older with their loved ones. That’s normal thinking. And I think it’s sweet. You’ve got someone to spend the rest of your life together and if you are lucky you’ve child too. That’s beautiful. And that’s what …

Home is far away

I've got a long way to go
but there's no vacant taxis
it feels like it'll rain
the day's burden feels heavy
on my drooping shoulder
I just want to rest for a moment
home is far away

Nothing's changed
alone in an empty playground
I do pull ups on a high bar
it's been a tip-toed life
what's been expected of me
has been a little beyond my stretched arms
people standard soaring high as Mt. Everest
as I rise to the top, stress does to
I know I can never rest
since there's no sleeping pills
that will put my complaints to sleep

Now it is become obvious
why society taught us how to wait in line
complex relations, that itself is a paradox
there's only relation, no room for people

I used to dream because I was afraid to be mundane
now I dream of being normal
as I stand all alone in the rain
if there's no growth, growing pain is just a pain

I become more and more afraid
my two feet and heart are running, but for what?
my dream has become a burden
my only h…

Lost stars

Please don't see
Just a girl caught up in dreams and fantasies
Please see me
Reaching out for someone I can't see
Take my hand, let's see where we wake up tomorrow
Best laid plans sometimes are just unexpected
I'll be damned, Cupid's demanding back his arrow
So let's get drunk on our tears
And God, tell us the reason youth is wasted on the young
It's hunting season and the lambs are on the run
Searching for meaning
But are we all lost stars trying to light up the dark?
But don't you dare let our best memories bring you sorrow
Yesterday I saw a lion kiss a deer
Turn the page, maybe we'll find a brand new ending
Where we're dancing in our tears
And I thought I saw you out there crying
And I thought I heard you call my name
And I thought I heard you out there crying
But are we all lost stars trying to light up the dark?
Are we all lost stars trying to light up the dark?

Seasonal life

All i can say is that life has seasons, and some seasons you’re doing amazingly and living with great joy and your demons are at bay, seemingly defeated. But then new seasons arrive, and you aren’t doing so hot, and while you pursue joy in all you do, the demons come out and almost engulf you. This season could be difficult and frustrating because i seem to struggle with the same things over and over and over again. it takes a toll on my mind and my body and my heart. it affects every aspect of my life– because i let it.  But i know that it’s not a matter of winning or losing, but of fighting and moving forward.

One after another

This is an important lesson to remember when we're having a bad day, a bad month or a shitty year. Things will change, because I believe we won't feel this way forever, isn't it?

And anyway, sometimes the hardest lessons to learn are the ones our soul needs most. I believe we can't feel real joy unless we've been felt heartache. We can't have a sense of victory unless we know what it means to fail.

Petani yang buntu

Dunia adalah tentang memegang amanah; melaksanakannya, serta membuat keputusan dari pilihan-pilihan yang ada.
Dan kerana hidup dan kehidupan adalah rahsia Tuhan yang nyata,
maka kepada Tuhanlah kita harus bertanya tentang apa pun pilihan yang ingin kita buat.

Kenapa mesti Allah?
Kerana tidak ada walau sehelai daun pun yang gugur di luar pengetahuanNYA. (Al-an'am:59)
Dan kerana Allah tahu apa yang ada dalam setiap hati, meski nyata atau rahsia.(Al-Mulk:13)

Ada seorang petani yang diberikan rezeki memiliki sebidang tanah yang luas. Kering, dan tidak mengizinkan tanaman.
Tanah seluas itu, hanya di isi dengan rumahnya; kerana hanya itu yang dia ada.

Maka suatu hari, petani yang ingin mencari rezeki diberikan sampan kecil untuknya berusaha.Maka petani bertanya kepada Allah, haruskah dia menerima sampan itu..sedang lautan berada jauh dari kawasannya.Dan Allah menjawabnya dengan menjadikan seisi rumah si petani merasa lapang terhadap sampan itu. Maka petani mengambilnya.


Bermusyawarah si petani d…

Book = People

People are like books. There are some you would want to hold on to for the rest of your life, some that you could not afford to finish reading because of consequent disinterest, some that you would want to read over and over and just doesn’t seem to get boring. In every person is a whole lot of story, which then would explain the maxim, “Don’t judge a book by its cover.” Fair enough, right? Until one has picked up a book and read from beginning thru end, one cannot be certain with the conclusion it holds. Now in all the hundreds and thousands of books that you will come across in your entire life, there are bound to be some that would stand out, some that would be forgotten, and some that would be left behind. As it is, we have to move on from one book to the next. With people, it is an inevitable phenomenon to be fleeting creatures, in constant search for new experiences, new sensations. There is, after all, only one life that we are given to live.

(94: 5-6)

"So verily, with the hardship, there is relief, Verily, with the hardship, there is relief" (Al-Insyirah: 5-6)


Mata terhenti di bacaan ke lima dan enam. Diturunkan al-Quran perlahan-lahan. “Tuhan itu kan adil” Pelahan dia menggumam antara dengar dengan tidak.
Semua pun ada hikmah. Antara sedar atau tidak. Semuanya, literally. Bukan hanya pada sesetengah perkara. Bukan hanya pada sesetengah manusia. Hikmah itu merangkumi setiap kejadian dan juga semua hamba. Lambat-lambat kepala mengangguk sendiri.
Jadinya, kena sentiasa bersangka baik lah kan? Soalnya pada diri. Tangan masih dilarikan pada meja, melukis dengan hanya ingatan di kepala. Tanpa pen mahupun dakwat yang mengisi lukisan imaginasi. Dah betul la tu. Kena bersangka baik. Walaupun ketika itu segala jenis bala yang ada dalam dunia menimpa diri. Walaupun ketika itu dah rasa nak jatuh tersembam mencium bumi. Tersenyum tersinggung si hujung bibir. Diambil pensil dari kotak pensil. Sebelah tangan lagi mencapai memo pad di dalam lac…

Still

Strange as it may seem, I still hope for the best even though the best, like an interesting piece of mail, so rarely arrives, and even when it does it can be lost so easily

What is to be human?

It seems, as the world has gotten smaller with satellites and cell phones, that time has condensed and we are further pushed to minimize everything in life in order to save ‘time’.
We sort our laundry by color and texture.  We sort our projects by order of importance.  We sort people by commonalities – or lack thereof.  A moving scale if you will.  Religion is a big one.  Politics another.
Sorting has become habitual – we do it by rote, mechanically – a memorized technique that we could multitask our way through without so much as a sideways glance.  Do you know your garbage men by name?  Do you know who delivers your letters?  Do you know anything about them, their families, children, etc.? Just a question.  No judgment.
For the sake of religion, we have forgotten or perhaps even forsaken the most basic element that is at the core: we are all human.  We’ve only walked in our own shoes, and most of us have never left the country.  Yet for reasons that make no logical sense to me, we as …

Today I determined to fall in love

This morning I woke up determined to fall in love. I don’t know why today was any different from every previous morning, where I usually wake up determined (through quantum physics) to try and squeeze two more hours of sleep into the nine minutes allotted by my snooze button. But today was different.
 'Fall in love!’ - The thought entered my brain before my eyes even opened, and my smile continued to grow as I inhaled deeply the smell of a new day that carried the fragrance of my mission. I spent a few precious moments in my nest of down pillows, my old favorite to the left of my head. Giving it one last loving squeeze, holding the promise to share my adventures in the evening, I slipped from my bed and set off on my quest, guided by an unknown ‘knowing’.
 Although my morning rituals were unchanged, (pray, making coffee, taking a shower, brushing my teeth, etc.), I became aware of things I had not previously noticed.
My shower for example:  today I was aware of every individual drop…

To live bravely

There comes a time in your life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh. Forget the bad, and focus on the good. Love the people who treat you right. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living. You just need to live your life bravely.

Bukan satu tapi seluruh

Terfikir tentang waktu-waktu yang telah aku lalu
Memberi memori bagaimana aku belajar mengenal itu dan ini,
serta tahu sana sini
Dan ternyata masih banyak harus aku belajar
tentang hidup sebagai manusia yang perlu menerima baik manusia lain,
tidak memandang dari mata,
tapi melihat dari setiap sudut dan sisi lain.

Umpama kau melihat sisi gelap wanita seksi bertattoo,
kaki botol dan gemar berjudi
tetapi setiap kali kucing/anjing jalanan kurap/berdarah
pasti dia merawatnya

Sudut manusia bukan satu pandangan sahaja,
maka lihatlah mereka pada sisi lain juga

Tuhan tidak izin. Noktah

"Kalau Tuhan menginginkannya terjadi, maka sebuah kejadian pasti terjadi. Tidak peduli seluruh isi langit bumi bersekutu menggagalkannya.

Sebaliknya, jika Tuhan mengizinkannya, maka sebuah kejadian niscaya tidak akan terjadi. Tidak peduli seluruh isi langit bersekutu melaksanakannya"




Maka begitulah. Tuhan tidak mengizinkan rasa itu. Lalu aku padamkan rasa itu setahun yang lalu. Noktah disitu. Tiada lagi rasa. Kenapa harus diungkit. Tidak perlu menghina andai tidak suka.

Tuhan tidak izin.
Dan Tuhan telah menunjukkan aku jawapan.

The Merciful

As we planned, we must bear something in mind that not every plan that we have planned will be accomplished. Why? Because we are not independent being. We have creator who will always watch for us. If our plans would destroy ourselves, He won't let that plan happens. I'm trying to digest this idea as fluent as I write it. Of course I do understand this idea but sometimes I got away by my own feelings and emotions and could totally forget about this idea. How foolish I am.

But that's the nature of man. Forgetful. That's why there is concept which we call it "repent". Because we are forgetful being. We always forget that our Creator is the Almighty One, The One who control this universe, the One who plan our destiny. And who are we to deny that? We are always forget that the concept of mercy. He will forgive to those who repent. We are being blessed by his blessing and yes, our fate in the hereafter also will depends on his blessing. His kindness is beyond anyt…