Sunday, August 5, 2018

Dreams that are shattered

We all have our shattered dreams. Things we wish we'd done, things we wish we could do but can't.

It's always because we don't have enough of something.
not enough money
not enough courage
not enough force
not enough practice
not enough, never enough.

And of course, it hurts. It hurt to realize we just couldn't, we just can't, we just won't.

That's where the beauty lies. It hurts but we step forward
we try something else
want something else.

We move on to other dreams because it's the dream that are shattered, not ourselves. That makes everything hurt so, so much less.

Thursday, July 19, 2018

Don't judge, be kind.


How do you define your life now? Great? Cool? Happy? Sad? Depressed? Miserable? Lifeless? Hopeless? content? can you describe your life? really? Great then. Because there are people who doesn't even know how to tell people about their life. It's not hopeless because there are hopes that keep them going. But at the same time they feel that their life is meaningless.

Well, it's easy to judge when people say that their life is meaningless.
"find some meaning to your life, buddy"
"get your shit done, don't be loser! who does't feel sad anyway"
"get closer to your Creator, you'll be fine then"
"commit to your religion"

I don't say it's wrong to say all those, but have you been in that situation?
situation where you feel like the world is against you. Helpless, suffocating, you're not sad, you being numb, you just not feel anything. And you know how to not feel anything? it sucks. Believe me.

But I don't blame you if you don't understand the situation or you cannot relate because you never been there. You should cherish the moment then because I think it's privilege to feel good about your life. We are living in the world full of hatred, where people are hating each other, bashing each other, hurting each other and full of judgment. It's not easy to live nowadays. Trust me.

All I ask is for you to understand that those people never ask to live that way. It's never their choice but yeah, it happens. So please, don't judge them. Don't be mean. If you cannot help them at least don't judge. Or you can show to them that you care. It's comforting enough.

Be kind.

Wednesday, March 14, 2018

" All the Bright Places"

You can find love accidentally. You will never know that you are gonna love someone that you were dislike before. That’s how love works.

“All the Bright Places” book taught me that love can be found in the oddest way and we can find love in almost everything. You can even fall in love with a freak person and a freak person deserves to be in love. There’s no boundaries. Even when you are in numb, love can make you feel again.

I think when you love somebody, you should never be selfish. You should never be hurting alone. Because when you do, your beloved ones will be hurting more. And even it is painful more than anything, you should never take your own life. It’s a selfish act. Your beloved ones will be suffering for the rest of their life. Unfair isn’t it?

So, when you decided to love, don’t be selfish, even if you are freak.

Saturday, March 10, 2018

Was alive then gone

Suddenly I'm having one of those moments
that you have after losing someone-
When you feel as if you've been kicked in the stomach and all your breath is gone
and you might never get it back.

I want to sit down on the dirty, littered ground right now and cry until I can't cry anymore

May you rest in peace

Monday, March 5, 2018

Sedih = Perempuan?

"Kehadapan perempuan perempuan yang sedih; berhentilah bersedih.
Kita ini hidup bukan untuk disedihkan"

I beg to differ.
Tiada siapa pilih untuk bersedih.
Fitrah manusia untuk bahagia, suka.
Tapi dengan sedih kita bangkit.
Kita kuat.
Kita belajar.

It's okay to be sad.
It's normal.
Because it's a feeling.

Friday, February 23, 2018

One more light

Should've stayed. Were there signs I ignored?
Can I help you not to hurt anymore?
We saw brilliance when the world was asleep.
There are things that we can have but can't keep.

If they say,
Who cares if one more light goes out
In the sky of a million stars?
It flickers, flickers.
Who cares when someone's time runs out
If a moment is all we are?
Or quicker, quicker.
Who cares if one more light goes out?
Well, I do.

The reminders pull the floor from your feet.
In the kitchen one more chair than you need.
And you're angry, and you should be, it's not fair.
Just 'cause you can't see it, doesn't mean it isn't there.

Tuesday, January 16, 2018


Take a deep breath
so that both of chest aches,
until it begins to hurt a little

Breathe out more
until it feels like there's nothing
left inside of you

It's okay if you're out of breath
no one will blame you
it's okay to make mistakes once in a while
everyone does that
to say it's okay
even though it's only words of comfort

Someone's sigh
that heavy breath
how could I possibly understand

Your sigh
although I won't be able to understand that depth,
it's okay I will hold you

From others' eyes it might look like a sigh
that let people down
but I know that you spent a hard day
to let out even a small sigh

Don't think anything else now
take a deep breath
and breathe it out

Sunday, January 14, 2018

Somewhere inside you

I was reading a novel and it mentioned one of the characters having multiple hearts and I love that concept in a spiritual sense. Like yeah, maybe it feels like you don't have room to love someone else but maybe there's space in a heart you never knew you had. Or maybe you meet someone and you grow a new heart just for them in some other place inside you.

Maybe love feels different there. Lighter, even.

2017 was so long ago now

There are a lot of things I want to reflect on properly about 2017 but it's been harder than I was expecting. I feels like 2017 was so long ago now. Or maybe it's that everything for the most part feels resolved. Everything that happened in 2017 is staying in 2017. Maybe there's nothing left to say and maybe that's okay too.

and yeah, although it's has been late for 14 days, happy new year! Let's hope this year is better than previous years. Thank you for dropping by.

Dreams that are shattered

We all have our shattered dreams. Things we wish we'd done, things we wish we could do but can't. It's always because we don&#...