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One more light

Should've stayed. Were there signs I ignored?
Can I help you not to hurt anymore?
We saw brilliance when the world was asleep.
There are things that we can have but can't keep.
If they say, Who cares if one more light goes out
In the sky of a million stars?
It flickers, flickers.
Who cares when someone's time runs out
If a moment is all we are?
Or quicker, quicker.
Who cares if one more light goes out?
Well, I do.
The reminders pull the floor from your feet.
In the kitchen one more chair than you need.
And you're angry, and you should be, it's not fair.
Just 'cause you can't see it, doesn't mean it isn't there.
Recent posts


Take a deep breath
so that both of chest aches,
until it begins to hurt a little

Breathe out more
until it feels like there's nothing
left inside of you

It's okay if you're out of breath
no one will blame you
it's okay to make mistakes once in a while
everyone does that
to say it's okay
even though it's only words of comfort

Someone's sigh
that heavy breath
how could I possibly understand

Your sigh
although I won't be able to understand that depth,
it's okay I will hold you

From others' eyes it might look like a sigh
that let people down
but I know that you spent a hard day
to let out even a small sigh

Don't think anything else now
take a deep breath
and breathe it out

Somewhere inside you

I was reading a novel and it mentioned one of the characters having multiple hearts and I love that concept in a spiritual sense. Like yeah, maybe it feels like you don't have room to love someone else but maybe there's space in a heart you never knew you had. Or maybe you meet someone and you grow a new heart just for them in some other place inside you.

Maybe love feels different there. Lighter, even.

2017 was so long ago now

There are a lot of things I want to reflect on properly about 2017 but it's been harder than I was expecting. I feels like 2017 was so long ago now. Or maybe it's that everything for the most part feels resolved. Everything that happened in 2017 is staying in 2017. Maybe there's nothing left to say and maybe that's okay too.

and yeah, although it's has been late for 14 days, happy new year! Let's hope this year is better than previous years. Thank you for dropping by.

A tribute to a great educator, Dr Mimi Iznita

When I was in my undergraduate studies, I took Abnormal Psychology subject during my 5th semester on 2013. This subject among the few that really into my heart. This class made me realized that I have interest into abnormal personality of people. And the one who responsible for it is the lecturer who teaching the subject at that time, Dr Mimi Iznita. I did enjoy listen to her experiences dealing with many kinds of clients since she is a clinical psychologist. My very first impression of her is, “wow, her English accent is really great!”. That must be because she worked at US for a while before she come to UIA. One thing I remember about the class is the project the she assigned us to do, “go crazy project”. This project indeed gave us new perspective about mental health problem. Again, thanks to her.
And for my last semester in 2014 I took another subject under her supervision, clinical psychology. This subject is really tough but she made it enjoyable. And I remember during that se…

Should I or should I not?

Marriage. As I grow older I’m thinking a lot about this. 2 days ago, I turned to 27 years old. Bless to have what I have right now, alhamdulilah.
As I grow older, people keep asking me about marriage, which I don’t have the answer myself. I just ignore what people say, most of the time and don’t even bother about that, but sometimes it bothers me. The questions keep coming into my mind.
“do I have to get married?” “why should I get married?” “why I need to get married?” “what happened if I don’t get married?” “what happened if I get married?”
Those questions bother me sometimes. I try to reason many times about this. It’s normal for people to get married especially to their loved ones. They hope that when they get married they will be happy for the rest of their life and they can grow older with their loved ones. That’s normal thinking. And I think it’s sweet. You’ve got someone to spend the rest of your life together and if you are lucky you’ve child too. That’s beautiful. And that’s what …

Home is far away

I've got a long way to go
but there's no vacant taxis
it feels like it'll rain
the day's burden feels heavy
on my drooping shoulder
I just want to rest for a moment
home is far away

Nothing's changed
alone in an empty playground
I do pull ups on a high bar
it's been a tip-toed life
what's been expected of me
has been a little beyond my stretched arms
people standard soaring high as Mt. Everest
as I rise to the top, stress does to
I know I can never rest
since there's no sleeping pills
that will put my complaints to sleep

Now it is become obvious
why society taught us how to wait in line
complex relations, that itself is a paradox
there's only relation, no room for people

I used to dream because I was afraid to be mundane
now I dream of being normal
as I stand all alone in the rain
if there's no growth, growing pain is just a pain

I become more and more afraid
my two feet and heart are running, but for what?
my dream has become a burden
my only h…