Should I or should I not?

Marriage. As I grow older I’m thinking a lot about this. 2 days ago, I turned to 27 years old. Bless to have what I have right now, alhamdulilah.

As I grow older, people keep asking me about marriage, which I don’t have the answer myself. I just ignore what people say, most of the time and don’t even bother about that, but sometimes it bothers me. The questions keep coming into my mind.

“do I have to get married?”

“why should I get married?”

“why I need to get married?”

“what happened if I don’t get married?”

“what happened if I get married?”

Those questions bother me sometimes. I try to reason many times about this. It’s normal for people to get married especially to their loved ones. They hope that when they get married they will be happy for the rest of their life and they can grow older with their loved ones. That’s normal thinking. And I think it’s sweet. You’ve got someone to spend the rest of your life together and if you are lucky you’ve child too. That’s beautiful. And that’s what my religion taught too, encouraging marriage so that many muslims will inhibit this world, hoping to make the world a better place. And that’s what people called normal.

What is not normal to them? Not getting married I guess because they seem to think that every people should get married. And not married is kind of…taboo. Maybe because it is. But, something not normal not necessarily not good. Some people are just not meant to be married even if they want to. They try hard, but in the end, it’s just their fate and they just go with the flow. Not married not necessarily mean they are not happy. You can be happy even when you’re single and being married not necessarily you are happy. We cannot judge life only based on what we think and see. Sometimes, it beyond that. That’s what I thought.

People keep asking me why I don’t get married yet. I wish I can answer that with certainty but I couldn’t because I don’t even know myself. It’s not that I don’t want to get married and it’s also not that I’m desperate to get married, it’s neither. The idea of marriage is good, beautiful but it is something that I cannot force to. Wanting to get married is like..you have wish that might be achieve or not. It’s like you want to own your own house, but it’s not easy to own a house, you have to work hard and you might own it later in your life or not. Not every wish that we have will come true. Some of them will just fade by times. But it’s not necessarily bad. There’s must be reason.

“am I able to be a good wife?”

“am I able to be a good mother?”

“am I able to provide needs to my family?

“am I able to commit to it?”

Those questions left unanswered. But for now, I will focus on what I should focus first. I will just go with the flow. Allah is the Best Planner after all.